If you were to spend 24 hours with me, chances are you would hear the squeal.
It's a strange squeal, an involuntary sounds which just erupts. It's fairly high pitched and I guess if I had to try to write it out it would be a "hee" although sometimes it's an "ee" or event an "ek".
My hands jump off the keyboard as I make it, and I start shaking. And if Tim happens to be anywhere near me at the time, it will usually be followed by these words "I can't believe I've nearly finished".
I still can't believe that I am almost finished my novel.
A novel is a strange beast. It's been left alone for weeks and it's occupied every spare thought. It's got me to smile when I thought I never would again, and it's made me feel depressed and stupid and inadequate.
It's so incredibly real to me, so precious, that it is like extracting a tooth to change a characters name, to get rid of a plot aspect that I created in my first months of writing it, or to cut out a passage that I know is badly written. I have another word documents "The Librex cut" where I dump all those terrible bits. I know they don't belong in my novel, but they are my written word and they deserve a place, even if it's just on my hard-drive.
It has totally dominated our holidays. It sounds weird, but every trip I have taken with Tim in the last 5 years has involved discussions (and arguments!) about character relationships, suggestions of character names, how to solve some kind of plot inconsistency, and some pretty awesome suggestions from Tim as to how to make things better.
I have bulked up my already filled bag with a notebook and a pen, just in case I have an idea. It doesn't happen as much as I thought I would, but I have those moments, where I pull out my notebook on the train, or on a walk, and just write, write, write as an idea takes shape. So often I will look back at those inspired words and realise they are not very good, and need a great deal more thought and editing. But every so often those words will be just right, straight from my head, to the notebook and then to the computer. And those words, despite many, many edits, will remain.
I have spent way to much time when I should be writing just reading because it is my story and I love reliving it over and over.
It's been something to dream about, not just the novel, but the hope of someone reading it, of something enjoying it, of people meeting my characters and going on their journey's. Of someone in the business saying- this just might work.
But it's never been nearly finished. Until now.
"HHEEEEEEE"
BG
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Death, Ressurection, and longing for heaven
It has been a tough month.
After the excitement of Oliver's birth, a week later Tim's last remaining Grandparent, his Pa, passed away. It wasn't a shock (he's been in and out of hospital all summer), and it was a bit of a relief (he had just had a paralysing stroke), but it was still a very sad time.
His funeral particularly was very emotional. While it was filled with joy over his life and the knowledge that he was with Jesus, there was so much other meaning behind it. 17 months earlier I had sat in the same Funeral home at Tim's Nana's funeral. Tim's Nanny and Papa were there, and it was the last proper conversation I had with them before they died, 3 months later. And, while I didn't know it for certain at the time, I was actually pregnant during her funeral, with the baby we would say goodbye to only 7 weeks later.
It has been a really rough 18 months. Eighteen Months of Death.
So, as yesterday we celebrated Easter, I couldn't help thinking of what a miracle it is.
That there was a man, who was more than just a man. That this man was so innocent and powerful that death could not beat him. A man who now has power over death. A man who promises that just as he was raised from death, so all who believe in him will rise.
Sitting at Pa's funeral, knowing that his race was run, knowing that he had gone to be with the savior that he loved and followed for so long, it is a great thing. I almost felt a little jealous.
And during such tough times as these, what a great thing it is to know that death is mealy a small sleep on the way to eternity with Jesus.
Thank you Jesus for Easter.
BG
After the excitement of Oliver's birth, a week later Tim's last remaining Grandparent, his Pa, passed away. It wasn't a shock (he's been in and out of hospital all summer), and it was a bit of a relief (he had just had a paralysing stroke), but it was still a very sad time.
His funeral particularly was very emotional. While it was filled with joy over his life and the knowledge that he was with Jesus, there was so much other meaning behind it. 17 months earlier I had sat in the same Funeral home at Tim's Nana's funeral. Tim's Nanny and Papa were there, and it was the last proper conversation I had with them before they died, 3 months later. And, while I didn't know it for certain at the time, I was actually pregnant during her funeral, with the baby we would say goodbye to only 7 weeks later.
It has been a really rough 18 months. Eighteen Months of Death.
So, as yesterday we celebrated Easter, I couldn't help thinking of what a miracle it is.
That there was a man, who was more than just a man. That this man was so innocent and powerful that death could not beat him. A man who now has power over death. A man who promises that just as he was raised from death, so all who believe in him will rise.
Sitting at Pa's funeral, knowing that his race was run, knowing that he had gone to be with the savior that he loved and followed for so long, it is a great thing. I almost felt a little jealous.
And during such tough times as these, what a great thing it is to know that death is mealy a small sleep on the way to eternity with Jesus.
Thank you Jesus for Easter.
BG
Monday, March 12, 2012
He's here!
Welcome to the outside world- Oliver still-to-be-given-a-middle-name Virahsawmy!
Just as cute as I imagined.
love Aunty BG
Just as cute as I imagined.
love Aunty BG
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Things that make me happy right now- FOOD
I love cooking. And I particularly love it at the moment, where I have the energy, free and lead up time to do it properly. Not to mention plenty of time to look at food-blogs for suggested recipes!
There are certain food related things that are making me really happy right now:
Jacket Sweet Potato
About 3 and half years ago I was diagnosed with Pre-diabetes, or "Impaired Glucose Intolerance" as it's more medically known. Basically, my pancreas has to work alot harder than most people's to keep my blood sugar levels in check, so I am a real risk that one day it's going to say "That's enough, I can't take it anymore, I QUIT". And when my pancreas quits, that is when I will officially have diabetes. I had my regular glucose tolerance test to make sure that hasn't happened yet (NOT FUN!), but it turns out I am still in possession of a working pancreas. Yay! And given that supposedly 1 million Australians have diabetes and don't know it, then I'm feeling like I've moved back into the healthy camp, at least for a little while :)
But I digress. Jacket Sweet Potatos. Well, around the time when the doctor and I first started talking about my diabetes risk, I began upon a low GI diet. Now, I was definitely more stringent then than I have been since, but that was because I was needing to loose weight (a very important process in avoiding diabetes). Low GI diets in my book are the best diets! They are all about swapping things. You use different rice, different bread, and keep sweets as a sometimes instead of an everyday treat. I was self-controlled with food, loosing weight, feeling healthy and I was loving it. But there was one big, messy problem. Potatos.
Potatos are just about the worst thing you could have. And swapping to Sweet Potatos (lower GI) just wasn't the same. The thing I missed most was jacket potatos. Jacket potatos were so easy and good.
Anyway, this week, I found out I'd have 3 and a half years of a unnecessary jacket potato ban, because Jacket Sweet potato is awesome!
Basically, just wash (with a little scrub, don't worry if some skin comes off), wrap in foil, and put in an oven at 200 deg C for 45 minutes. I did it with a little one, and I recommend that. Tim and I had one each with our roast for that night and it was awesome. You would have to choose your topping carefully given that sweet potatos do have that strange sweet taste that doesn't match the bland potato, but overall I've found a winner! And so much easier than peeling and chopping :)
Jamie Olivers Easy Raspberry Sorbet
I don't know if I should give Jamie full credit, since I saw him make it on TV once, but had no idea or memory of proportions so just worked it out myself. Basically what you do is get Frozen Raspberry's in your blender with some natural yoghurt and honey, blend it until it looks a bit like sorbet. I found I started with just a little bit of yoghurt, then kept adding until it took the consistency that I wanted. Then put it in the freezer for half an hour then it's done.
Okay, I admit, this is a stock standard Internet photo of sorbet and not the one I made because I never remember to take photos of food. But this is seriously what it looked like.
It is very tart. Yoghurt is tart, Raspberries are tart, and I was hesitant to add too much honey. It was too tart for Tim. But I loved it. I think in hindsight I would also keep adding honey until the taste worked.
It kept pretty well, although it needed thawing time after it had been in longer than an hour. And a super healthy and quick dessert option which was the point.
Frozen Pastry
Okay, Pastry isn't exactly high on the Low GI/keeping-my-overworked-pancreas-happy table. But every girls gotta have her weakness. I've recently purchased some 2 cup ramekins and am celebrating by experimenting with different pies. And usually I only put a pastry top on, so they are actually alot healthy than pies you get at a pie shop. I make a pie every two weeks, and so far Tim's been a fan, although he keeps commenting that my pies aren't as good as the First Pie I ever made for him. He has such fond memories of that first pie, that though I've tried and almost succeeded in making one better, I think I need to just admit defeat and make him his favourite pie again! Frozen Pastry is also great for when Tim asks beseechingly "Is there anything for dessert" and I have the time and inclination to say "Give me 45 minutes and I'll figure something out!" Last night I made a raspberry and white chocolate tart, just with things that happened to be in the kitchen. Again, no photos, but just imagine it. Raspberry. White chocolate. Tart.
I'm sure my pancreas will understand.
Love BG
There are certain food related things that are making me really happy right now:
Jacket Sweet Potato
About 3 and half years ago I was diagnosed with Pre-diabetes, or "Impaired Glucose Intolerance" as it's more medically known. Basically, my pancreas has to work alot harder than most people's to keep my blood sugar levels in check, so I am a real risk that one day it's going to say "That's enough, I can't take it anymore, I QUIT". And when my pancreas quits, that is when I will officially have diabetes. I had my regular glucose tolerance test to make sure that hasn't happened yet (NOT FUN!), but it turns out I am still in possession of a working pancreas. Yay! And given that supposedly 1 million Australians have diabetes and don't know it, then I'm feeling like I've moved back into the healthy camp, at least for a little while :)
But I digress. Jacket Sweet Potatos. Well, around the time when the doctor and I first started talking about my diabetes risk, I began upon a low GI diet. Now, I was definitely more stringent then than I have been since, but that was because I was needing to loose weight (a very important process in avoiding diabetes). Low GI diets in my book are the best diets! They are all about swapping things. You use different rice, different bread, and keep sweets as a sometimes instead of an everyday treat. I was self-controlled with food, loosing weight, feeling healthy and I was loving it. But there was one big, messy problem. Potatos.
Potatos are just about the worst thing you could have. And swapping to Sweet Potatos (lower GI) just wasn't the same. The thing I missed most was jacket potatos. Jacket potatos were so easy and good.
Anyway, this week, I found out I'd have 3 and a half years of a unnecessary jacket potato ban, because Jacket Sweet potato is awesome!
Basically, just wash (with a little scrub, don't worry if some skin comes off), wrap in foil, and put in an oven at 200 deg C for 45 minutes. I did it with a little one, and I recommend that. Tim and I had one each with our roast for that night and it was awesome. You would have to choose your topping carefully given that sweet potatos do have that strange sweet taste that doesn't match the bland potato, but overall I've found a winner! And so much easier than peeling and chopping :)
Jamie Olivers Easy Raspberry Sorbet
I don't know if I should give Jamie full credit, since I saw him make it on TV once, but had no idea or memory of proportions so just worked it out myself. Basically what you do is get Frozen Raspberry's in your blender with some natural yoghurt and honey, blend it until it looks a bit like sorbet. I found I started with just a little bit of yoghurt, then kept adding until it took the consistency that I wanted. Then put it in the freezer for half an hour then it's done.
It is very tart. Yoghurt is tart, Raspberries are tart, and I was hesitant to add too much honey. It was too tart for Tim. But I loved it. I think in hindsight I would also keep adding honey until the taste worked.
It kept pretty well, although it needed thawing time after it had been in longer than an hour. And a super healthy and quick dessert option which was the point.
Frozen Pastry
Okay, Pastry isn't exactly high on the Low GI/keeping-my-overworked-pancreas-happy table. But every girls gotta have her weakness. I've recently purchased some 2 cup ramekins and am celebrating by experimenting with different pies. And usually I only put a pastry top on, so they are actually alot healthy than pies you get at a pie shop. I make a pie every two weeks, and so far Tim's been a fan, although he keeps commenting that my pies aren't as good as the First Pie I ever made for him. He has such fond memories of that first pie, that though I've tried and almost succeeded in making one better, I think I need to just admit defeat and make him his favourite pie again! Frozen Pastry is also great for when Tim asks beseechingly "Is there anything for dessert" and I have the time and inclination to say "Give me 45 minutes and I'll figure something out!" Last night I made a raspberry and white chocolate tart, just with things that happened to be in the kitchen. Again, no photos, but just imagine it. Raspberry. White chocolate. Tart.
I'm sure my pancreas will understand.
Love BG
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Two jobs that no one understands
I currently hold two jobs that no one understands, both of which at present do not pay me anything.
It is a strange place to be.
Particularly now as I am meeting lots of new people, doctors, hairdressers, members of the choir Tim and I are joining if I don't botch my audition. They all ask me. What do you do?
I don't really know how to explain it.
Tim suggested I say this: "I am volunteering at my church and writing a novel".
I feel like such a fraud! I had a very in-depth convo with a man at Centrelink who looked at my healthcare card form and asked "You don't have a job. What do you do?"
And so I answered, "I am volunteering at my church and writing a novel".
He was so very interested. How much had a written? What kind of novel is it? Are you getting to the exciting bit? When do I think it will be done? How am I going about getting it published? I answered all his question, but I was apologetic and reserved. He was treating me like an author. Me, an author? Surely not? I felt like a fraud, and it felt particularly naughty to be a fraud to a government official!
I guess this is how everyone feels when their hobby in some way becomes their job, particularly when they aren't being paid for it. This novel, this dream of being an author, has always been something that has just been between, me, God, my computer and my writing notebook. A private thing. Tim, I suppose, has been cheering from the side-lines. And it always makes for a really interesting conversation starter when people ask what do you do in your free time.
But as a job? It suggest that I am good at this, that this process is worthwhile not just as something to make me happy in my free time, but something that is worth devoting time to for it's own sake. Scary.
Yet I'm doing it. I'm taking 6 months off to write a novel.
And as of today, I'm 70,000 words in.
That's not just a hobby anymore.
love BG
It is a strange place to be.
Particularly now as I am meeting lots of new people, doctors, hairdressers, members of the choir Tim and I are joining if I don't botch my audition. They all ask me. What do you do?
I don't really know how to explain it.
Tim suggested I say this: "I am volunteering at my church and writing a novel".
I feel like such a fraud! I had a very in-depth convo with a man at Centrelink who looked at my healthcare card form and asked "You don't have a job. What do you do?"
And so I answered, "I am volunteering at my church and writing a novel".
He was so very interested. How much had a written? What kind of novel is it? Are you getting to the exciting bit? When do I think it will be done? How am I going about getting it published? I answered all his question, but I was apologetic and reserved. He was treating me like an author. Me, an author? Surely not? I felt like a fraud, and it felt particularly naughty to be a fraud to a government official!
I guess this is how everyone feels when their hobby in some way becomes their job, particularly when they aren't being paid for it. This novel, this dream of being an author, has always been something that has just been between, me, God, my computer and my writing notebook. A private thing. Tim, I suppose, has been cheering from the side-lines. And it always makes for a really interesting conversation starter when people ask what do you do in your free time.
But as a job? It suggest that I am good at this, that this process is worthwhile not just as something to make me happy in my free time, but something that is worth devoting time to for it's own sake. Scary.
Yet I'm doing it. I'm taking 6 months off to write a novel.
And as of today, I'm 70,000 words in.
That's not just a hobby anymore.
love BG
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Time together makes the heart grow fonder
There is a saying, absence makes the heart go fonder.
I get it.
I understand the appreciation that grows when things are absent.
But the opposite is happening to me at the moment.
When we lived interstate, the times well I really felt the distance from family was special events, or times when I knew they were hanging out and we weren't there. I spoke to my family once a week, and I really missed them and was glad for that one phone call. But there was nothing I could do about it, and I enjoyed the 4 or 5 times a year we would see each other, even if I would have liked a few more.
Now?
Now a phone call a week doesn't cut it. And I find myself missing my two families, even if I saw them last week. I'm constantly missing them, wanting to hang out with them. Wondering what they are doing. Praying for them.
When they were a 1000 Ks away I missed them.
Now they are 10, 20 ks away and I miss them more.
Seems that time together makes the heart grow fonder too.
BG
I get it.
I understand the appreciation that grows when things are absent.
But the opposite is happening to me at the moment.
When we lived interstate, the times well I really felt the distance from family was special events, or times when I knew they were hanging out and we weren't there. I spoke to my family once a week, and I really missed them and was glad for that one phone call. But there was nothing I could do about it, and I enjoyed the 4 or 5 times a year we would see each other, even if I would have liked a few more.
Now?
Now a phone call a week doesn't cut it. And I find myself missing my two families, even if I saw them last week. I'm constantly missing them, wanting to hang out with them. Wondering what they are doing. Praying for them.
When they were a 1000 Ks away I missed them.
Now they are 10, 20 ks away and I miss them more.
Seems that time together makes the heart grow fonder too.
BG
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Not in Vain
An update on my Mark memorising- not going so well! It seems that despite my initial enthusiasm, memorising a verse a day is beyond me. I'm changing my strategy, and am going to attempt to set aside an hour in one day of the week to work on it. I'm half way through chapter 1, and am amazed how much I learn by just reading and reciting these familiar words over and over.
This weekend I went to a conference on preaching. The speaker at the seminar I attended was Peter Adam, former Principal of Ridley. He is one of my favourite preachers, when I hear him. But often when I haven't heard him for a while, his whimsical style and thoughtful godliness leaves my mind, and I forget to list him when thinking of who are the great preachers. One point I found really fascinating was when he commented that great preaching doesn't have to be memorable to be effective. He could remember several wonderful sermons he had heard through his life, but that didn't mean that the others he heard hadn't been used by God. The aim of teaching is to change people to be more like Jesus, and that is much more important than being remembered.
But both together can still be nice.
At this conference a very familiar face came up to me. Even his name, bouncing off his lanyard, seemed to ring some subtle bell in my mind. He smiled at me, and said "I don't know if you remember me, but you were my Kids Club and Youth Group leader". The name and face and context came together and I remembered. A kid who went with his family to a church with no other kids, a very enthusiastic Kids Club kid who ended up in Youth Group. A kid who had stopped coming and I always wondered about. A kid I hadn't seen in probably 10 to 12 years.
He told me of the church plant he had joined. He spoke of Kids club and of Bible Studies at my house. I was only just an adult when I lead those studies, and often look back and wonder what they were like, since I have no memory, other than that they happened and vague visual pictures of the Bible, bits of paper and my parent's lounge-room.
I stuttered a bit, and commented on how happy I was to see him at such a conference, to see how seriously he was taking God. I told him, "I often look back at my Youth leading days, at all those who lost interest and fell away, and feel sad".
"Don't worry" the young man said, "It was worth it".
It always is. Praise God!
BG
This weekend I went to a conference on preaching. The speaker at the seminar I attended was Peter Adam, former Principal of Ridley. He is one of my favourite preachers, when I hear him. But often when I haven't heard him for a while, his whimsical style and thoughtful godliness leaves my mind, and I forget to list him when thinking of who are the great preachers. One point I found really fascinating was when he commented that great preaching doesn't have to be memorable to be effective. He could remember several wonderful sermons he had heard through his life, but that didn't mean that the others he heard hadn't been used by God. The aim of teaching is to change people to be more like Jesus, and that is much more important than being remembered.
But both together can still be nice.
At this conference a very familiar face came up to me. Even his name, bouncing off his lanyard, seemed to ring some subtle bell in my mind. He smiled at me, and said "I don't know if you remember me, but you were my Kids Club and Youth Group leader". The name and face and context came together and I remembered. A kid who went with his family to a church with no other kids, a very enthusiastic Kids Club kid who ended up in Youth Group. A kid who had stopped coming and I always wondered about. A kid I hadn't seen in probably 10 to 12 years.
He told me of the church plant he had joined. He spoke of Kids club and of Bible Studies at my house. I was only just an adult when I lead those studies, and often look back and wonder what they were like, since I have no memory, other than that they happened and vague visual pictures of the Bible, bits of paper and my parent's lounge-room.
I stuttered a bit, and commented on how happy I was to see him at such a conference, to see how seriously he was taking God. I told him, "I often look back at my Youth leading days, at all those who lost interest and fell away, and feel sad".
"Don't worry" the young man said, "It was worth it".
It always is. Praise God!
BG
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